


Just a Kiss

by rainbowdots888



Category: Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Angry Sex, Boys In Love, Declarations Of Love, Introspection, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 22:56:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowdots888/pseuds/rainbowdots888
Summary: So far Ryo has enjoyed his relationship with Ohkura without thinking too much about it. But it's when he realizes how important the other is for him that he makes the worst mistake.





	Just a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lalois](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalois/gifts).



> Happy Birthday to lalois!! <3

“You're drunk.” He says, pushing the other away with more strength than he wanted at first.

“I'm not. I'm very lucid. Let me in.” 

The drummer's breath smells of alcohol and his voice is as sour as those Irish beers he likes so much. Ryo pushes him away again, half-heartedly. He tries to show his displeasure with a frown but also knows this situation is entirely his fault. Even if he hadn't promised anything at first, long ago. 

Ryo knows how much the other loves him now, how much himself loves Ohkura, how they both got tricked into believing their bond was stronger than anything but last week, he couldn't help it. 

It's so scary, that forbidden kind of bond they have, it's like walking blindfolded on a lifeline with the whole world waiting for them to fall.

So, yes, he couldn't help it. When that girl came to him the other day in that club, when she initiated a kiss and let her hands run along his legs, he had let her. The alcohol, the fear, Ohkura's regular absences, the unsettling thumping of the music in the background, everything had hypnotized him enough to respond to that kiss. When he had woken up from his trance, the girl was trapped against the wall of the club and he was kissing her hungrily while her right hand was grazing his throbbing crotch. His phone had vibrated in his jeans back pocket, strongly enough to make his brain catch up with what was happening. He had backed off abruptly, making her almost fall to the ground. A few excuses were exchanged in hushed tones, he had bowed deeply once, maybe twice, he doesn't remember exactly, and had left with a powerful nausea invading his gut. 

The following days had been a torture. His brain was invaded by the images of that night and he couldn't face Ohkura anymore. The young man was so busy with the rehearsals of his play that he didn't even notice the trouble in Ryo's eyes, the tension in his lover's neck when he had left a kiss in the crook of his neck between two doors. Moments alone with the drummer were currently as rare as snow in Okinawa and he could count on one hand's fingers the kisses they had exchanged in last month.

So earlier, at the weekly group meeting they usually have, when their manager had mentioned how the tabloids had pictures of him kissing that girl spread all over their pages and how the headlines were overly provocative, he had frozen in his chair. Among his bandmates dismayed eyes, he had met his favorite hazelnut gaze, hurt and upset. Ohkura had gone paler than he has ever been, even staggering as if he were about to pass out when he had left the room without a glance at him. 

Now, he's here, at Ryo's door, his legs still weak and his eyes red, trying to come in. The guitarist's heart throbs painfully seing the other like this and knowing it's his fault, repeating it in his head again and again, stabbing his own heart with regrets.

“I'll let you in but you have to leave that bottle outside. You look terrible.”

The drummer laughs, a wounded small giggle that remains blocked in his throat. 

“And how many bottles had you downed before you kissed that bitch? One... two? Maybe none after all. Maybe you were sober and you're just doing it on a weekly basis while I'm working like mad and dragging my tired ass into bed solely thinking of the moment when I'll see you again...” 

“Don't be stupid. I...”

“I'm not the stupid one here, Ryochan. The one in love, that's for sure. But stupid... that's you.”

Ohkura's childish tone is louder than usual, he's almost screaming in the hallway. Ryo checks his neighbor's entrances, relieved that none of the fancy doors have moved. He grabs the front of the other's hoodie and drags him inside, slamming the door behind them. Ryo takes the bottle of Bourbon that Ohkura still clenches in his strong hand and disposes of it on the nearest furniture. The drummer is still staring at him, his piercing dark eyes drilling through his heart, calm and steady, contrasting with his trembling hands. There's a moment of stillness as their eyes are fighting a war none of them wants to lose. In their gazes all the hurt, all the fear is gradually melting into longing and Ryo's heart prickles at the exact moment he sees everything changing in the other's hazelnut orbs.

“Do I look that terrible?” It's said with a tiny voice, it's almost a whisper and Ryo feels that it's the moment, it's now or never if they want to go over all that tension that has built up between them. 

“No. You're as gorgeous as ever.” 

His hands clench the soft fabric of the drummer's hoodie and yank it down until the tall man falls off balance and their lips meet roughly. It's a parody of a kiss at first as they're both fighting for domination over the other.

Ohkura usually has his natural strength for him but right now he's really drunk in spite of what he thinks, and it's a lot easier for Ryo to get what he wants: a kiss as a smoke screen to hide his guilt. The drummer moans shamelessly in their kiss and for a second, it's as if everything is back to normal with the excitement building up again in the guitarist's stomach, the hotness spreading under his skin and the soft hands of the man he loves sneaking under the hem of his shirt, around his waist. Their embrace is no more rushed, just weirdly rough, unlike the usual, but he kind of likes that today, this authority and this force his boyfriend is showing.

He feels the other's body grind against his, grazing all the spots that have him aroused so fast, and all the anxiousness vanishes. Their kiss is deepening and he's sure they're now looking like a ball of tangled limbs, his back painfully arched against the cabinet on which he has put the Bourbon bottle earlier. Ohkura is bolder every second and even smiles against his mouth while they're catching their breath... before suddenly biting Ryo's lower lip. It's painful and it bleeds because the drummer licks the wound with delectation, letting his own plump lips soothe the bite.

“Ouch, that hurts!” Ryo complains but the other just snickers and keeps kissing his jaw, his ear and down, along the guitarist's tensed neck. He shoves Ohkura's shoulder a bit, pouting. “Eh! I said, it hurts.”

“Yeah, I know. Do you like it? No... But you're the one who has started it. Do you want us to make up in bed? Okay, but I feel like being rough, very rough with you. Don't want me to be rough? Don't want me at all? I'll leave. But if I do, you'll never see me again in your bed. I'm dead serious. You can't play with people's hearts like this, Ryo. You need to realize how much I've been in pain today, seeing those horrible pictures all over Tokyo. It was as if the world was screaming at me that you don't care, that I'm worth nothing to you...” 

Ohkura breathes with difficulty after his monologue, he's crying but still looks powerful and proud, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks and his tired eyes. 

“Don't say that! You have no right to...”

The drummer's huge hand falls next to Ryo's side, crashing on the cabinet with a powerful slam. It seems to hurt as the young man frowns in pain before gathering his thoughts again. 

“I have the right to be angry, to feel sad, to question your feelings for me. I'm _right_ , Ryo. You are wrong, and stupid and …” His face is now buried in the guitarist's neck that he's wetting with tears. His arms hold Ryo's tiny frame, crushing him with all his strength. “... and you're mine. I can't share you, sorry... I can't.”

He's almost suffocating in the embrace but Ryo still finds enough energy to let his hands caress his lover's back in large and soothing touches. He would get rid of all his guitars if it could make the other forget what has happened, if it could erase his misstep.

“I'm not asking you to share me with anyone. I don't want to belong to anyone else other than you. It was a mistake, a terrible mistake.”

“And if I can't forgive you?”

Ohkura is still in his arms but it feels like a wall of ice is slowly building between them, raising a freezing breeze that caresses his heart. Ryo's crying as well now and his legs can't hold them both anymore: only the wobbly furniture behind him keeps the couple from falling down.

“It was just a kiss... Just a kiss... Please...” He implores the other. “Don't leave me... Please...” 

There's no reaction from the drummer at first, so Ryo checks he hasn't passed out against his neck, given all the alcohol that's running in his blood. But Ohkura is still conscious, softly clearing his throat before lifting his head. There are no tears on his cheeks anymore. His eyes are determined and all puffiness is gone from them revealing the hundred nuances of brown in the irises Ryo has fallen for, long ago. He realizes in the end that being apart often is nothing, that he can live with the secret and the absence if it's to meet those eyes again and again, in the comforting intimacy of the other's fragrance. Lost in his thoughts, he winces as he's suddenly pulled away from the cabinet that supported him until then and lead through his own apartment by a strong hand. Everything happens very fast, so fast that he notices where they are a millisecond before he's shoved onto the mattress like a doll. His lover is over him in another one second, their faces barely touching. Only their heavy breaths rhythm the passing of the time, of the moment of peace before what he knows will be a storm like they have never faced starts. 

Ryo needs to exorcize the demon of his guilt as much as Ohkura needs to externalize his anger, that much he knows, and a shiver of anticipation travels up his spine, coming out with a needy sigh between his parted lips. Both of their griefs are meeting now, creating a tension so palpable in the room that their breath are already short from this odd desire brewing in them.

“Whatever you wanna make of me, do it. I'm yours.” His long lashes flutter, from shyness maybe, he's not used to speaking his heart out to anyone, even to the person who kind of shares his life. And it's this 'kind of' that makes all the difference, he thinks. Ohkura shares his life, period. All the coldness is gone by now and only hotness remains, hotness and contact, the tangible weight of his lover on him just a little too heavy to be completely comfortable. 

Ryo squirms a bit under the drummer, searching for air and mostly for action because the other seems have started to think again, to think too much and nothing good can come out of that much thinking in their current situation. 

There's a timid kiss planted on his jaw, lips grazing his skin again and all of a sudden hands, all over him, tearing his clothes away from his body, exposing his naked self to the chilly air blown by the AC. His shirt produces a tiny ripping sound but he doesn't care as long as his lover's mouth keeps exploring thoroughly what was hidden under the fabric. His jeans and underwear are gone in the blink of an eye, freeing him completely. It's like he has been wearing a straitjacket all this time because the heavy weight oppressing his chest is gone and feeling the other's velvety skin rub against his tastes like liberty.

Ohkura is surprisingly soft, Ryo was expecting more rage and it's almost disappointing. He wants to play the game to its limits, he wants it to be painful and good, he wants this to be the ultimate proof of his love. So he tries to take over the drummer, mustering all his strength to be able to topple the taller man on the bed. When he notices that he's actually coming out of it on top and sees the surprise plain on Ohkura's face, he's stupidly proud of himself.

“I thought you wanted to be rough?” He points out, feeling entitled to brag with his custom cocky smile now that he's the one dominating the situation.

“That's a pretty mouth you have here, full of insolence and lies...” The drummer's fingers clench his messy hair and pull him to his mouth for a rugged kiss that leaves them both panting. Ryo's lip is bleeding again and Ohkura wipes the tiny blood smear with his thumb, looking at it with fascination. “I don't want to hear your arrogant tongue anymore tonight. Show me what it can do instead.” Ryo could come on those words alone, pronounced as they are by his lover, in his arousing husky voice. He's biting his lower lip absentmindedly and the pain there returns again, bringing him back to earth.

“Tss. You lazy ass. Come on Tacchon, I thought you were angry... that you wanted to _possess_ me... Come on!”

The drummer's face is still, so still that it's almost worrying. 

_When did he learn to keep his cool that well?_ The guitarist asks himself, shifting a bit on his lover, just enough for their hard lengths to rub together and make Ohkura release a sensual and low whimper. Long and skilled hands are now traveling along Ryo's shoulders, elbows, forearms, slow and caressing until they reach his wrists and close on them strongly. He's shoved away, his back bouncing once on the soft mattress the second after. He does not control anything anymore and doesn't even try to oppose the other's formidable strength, moving him around like a dislocated doll. His wrists are painfully throbbing in sync with his heart when the movements stop and he finds himself on his knees, his face buried in one of the softest pillows that are colonizing his bed. Rough kisses are pressed against his nape, making him shiver along with the delectable friction of his lover's hardness against his ass. The wrists and shoulders still hurt though, trapped as they are between their bodies in Ohkura's powerful grip. 

The relief comes soon with another kiss left between his shoulder blades and the drummer's tongue, sinuously following his spine until his lips are touching Ryo's hands. They're freed suddenly and he lets a great sigh out as the blood rushes again to the tip of his numb fingers. The teasing resumes and soon his lover is biting his skinny hips and the soft flesh on his lower back, still imprisoning him in the same kneeling position.

It's too slow and infuriating for Ryo who wanted to settle the matter as fast as possible with a glorious ecstasy and loving words of forgiveness exchanged on the pillows. So he wriggles a little, again, as much as he can under the constraining weight of the other's body and the message seems to be received because Ohkura lets a low growl past his lips before muttering into Ryo's skin:

“Stay still.” 

Ohkura's palm is climbing again along his back, flat and warm, settling on his nape. Ryo moves again, tentatively, purring under his lover's fingers losing themselves in his thick black mane and scratching his scalp. It's so easy to abandon all pride under the drummer's caresses... so comfortable to let him reign over his senses and just go with the flow, drowning into his lover's sensuality. 

When Ohkura seems to finally be satisfied with Ryo's compliance, the guitarist is pushed down a bit roughly, his face buried into the cushion. The pillowcase is sucked up into his mouth at each difficult breath and he's suffocating a little but it's so irrelevant when he finally feels two long fingers making their way into him, hitting just the right spots and making what's left of his brain see stars. It's like an explosion inside his stomach, this contentment of his needs after the dreadful fight and the long teasing he has just undergone. He moans into the pillow, loud and trembling, following with his hips the movement of the skilled fingers inside him, sincerely glad for the strong hand on his nape providing him an anchor. 

“Do you want it?”Asks Ohkura, his voice thick, reaching the limits of his own patience. “You have to ask.”

“I want you...yes, now... please. Inside me, I want you whole.” He says, but his words are muffled by the thick fabric blocking his mouth as he feels his lungs burn from the lack of air. His breath hisses, he's almost passing out, or so he thinks in his frenzy when the pressure on his neck eventually softens and he finally can turn his head on the side, reflexively taking in a large gulp of air. Ryo's voice is broken and raw, he hurts almost everywhere but he still manages to wail a few words, looking at his lover above his shoulder.

“Ohkura! Fuck me now! Do it! Please...” 

His desperation must have made something click into the other's vengeful mind because Ryo is suddenly lifted up from the bed by his lover's strong arms and turned to face him. He's now straddling the other's lap and forced into a passionate kiss while their hips are joining, finally, in slow and tender movements. When Ohkura is buried deep in him and he's steadied himself, resting his elbows on the other's shoulders, Ryo takes a second to look into the beautiful irises that are now shining in front of him. They're shivering and sweaty, his wrists and his heart are still painfully pulsating but he wouldn't want to be anywhere else than here, stretched and whole, caressing the curly black hair falling over his lover's fascinating eyes.

“I'm sorry.” He says, his words of apology wet with tears. “So sorry my love...”

The young man is crying too, again, and his hands are caressing Ryo's back possessively, from shoulders to hips in a dance that has the guitarist shake even more.

“I'm sorry too.I... Don't leave me, please...” 

It's the last words Ohkura pronounces before moving his hips up again, making Ryo squeal and moan without restraint against his temple. He's finally given the pleasure he has craved for what seemed to be an eternity, raw and strong, filling him completely and making his insides vibrate in rhythm with his lover's high pitched cries. Ryo slightly moves his hips around in small circles and there it is, the burn of the ecstasy, the tickling fire that climbs from his groin up to his heart, making it beat frantically inside his chest. The other is also overwhelmed by the delightful move and bites the shoulder in front of him to stifle the screams that are pooling in his throat. They're so tightly embraced, holding each other's bodies as if to merge into the other's skin, that Ryo's length is squeezed in between, getting the dizzying friction he desperately needs and achieving to turn him crazy.

A ragged breath, the creaking bed under them, Ohkura's nails scratching his buttcheeks and most of all the growing chant coming from the young man's throat pulsating against his chest, all of these added stimulations are overwhelming his mind and suddenly he comes, murmuring 'oh my god, oh my...' into his lover's hair. The strong shiver that runs through his spent body then is enough for Ohkura to reach his own completion in a heartbeat. 

Their chests are heaving with exertion but they're smiling into each other's skin, letting their hands brush every part of the other they can reach despite the sweat and the goosebumps that are rising. A last kiss and they're falling together on the bed, entangled, among the messy sheets. 

A few seconds later, they're sleeping, their breaths even and soft, still holding each other. 

****************

“So... we cool?”

Ryo lets his forefinger run along the strong veins marking Ohkura's hand, as he's checking around for any prying eyes. 

“I... I don't know, Ryochan. It's not that easy...”

Subaru and Yoko are walking by, coming out of nowhere in that corridor full of tricky doors, looking at them weirdly and Ryo removes his hand, jolting back. Once they're gone, and at a distance safe enough for his own standards, he turns again towards his bandmate and gives him a questioning look. 

“What does that mean, Ohkura?” 

“It means that as long as you'll act publicly as if I don't exist, as if you don't care, as if I'm nothing to you... I don't think we're cool.”

“But... Yesterday... All that has happened last night... All this for nothing?”

“All this? You mean me, drunk, trying to punish you and failing miserably? Don't get me wrong, loving you utterly does not make our relationship any easier. I don't know if I can forgive you... I just don't.”

The last words are dying in his throat just when Maru turns around the corner and jumps on Ohkura, dragging him an arm thrown over his shoulders to the television studio where they have to perform. 

Ryo is left alone in the white and impersonal hallway. His heart clenches painfully and the guilt that had disappeared takes over him again. They should have talked this morning, they should have taken a moment for themselves before their crazy life swallowed them whole again. But Ohkura had left very early for his rehearsals and he hadn't felt any courage to crack an eye open or even bid his lover a good day. 

So lame of him, thinking that this strange and powerful make out could have settled all their problems. So childish. So stupid.

****************

The TV show host is jabbering about silly things, almost swallowing his microphone as he goes on and on with his nonsense. Ohkura is sitting on the other side of the sofa, separated from him by their five bandmates. Despite the blaring scandal that has hit the tabloids yesterday, it's Ryo the show has chosen to be interviewed. Ryo hates his life. His shoulders still hurt, along with his wrists and lower back but it's nothing compared to the blatant sulking in the drummer's pupils when he tries eye contact.

“So Nishikido-kun... Could you... tell us about something important that happened recently?”

It sounds like a trap, he's sure the host is talking about that girl and the pictures. He panics inwardly and yesterday's emotionally draining fight comes back to life before his eyes. Ohkura's tears, his bleeding lip that the makeup staff had trouble hiding, the fulfilling sensation of the other's hard thrusts... until Yoko's warm hand settle on his lower back, friendly and reassuring. He's going to tell them. They'll get what they came for.

“Recently... I... Hm. I realized I... I'm madly in love with someone.”

“Ah. Tell us more about that...” That old guy in front of him gloats, he already imagines the scoop his show will be credited for all over the news tomorrow.

“Well, it's someone I've met twenty years ago, time sure flies... It's a very sensitive person, someone I've hurt more than once and whom I want to protect from now on. Only recently I came to terms with the fact that I can't live without that person anymore. I'm thirty two now and I finally know with whom I want to spend the rest of my life. So yeah... Something like that.” He smiles sheepishly because he knows that all the females around will love that and that maybe they'll leave him be.

“So romantiiic” whines the old guy's young and pretty assistant as everyone laughs. In the confusion though, he turns and catches Ohkura's burning gaze on him. Seems like the message has reached its recipient, he thinks, mirroring the drummer's look.

Later, as they're all standing with the other performers to close the show, Ryo feels fingers slightly caressing his palm as if asking for permission to hold his hand. He knows this electricity too well, this tingling that occurs only when Ohkura touches him. So he opens his hand and in front of all the cameras intertwines his fingers with the other's without hiding nor backing off.

Permission granted.


End file.
